It is currently 2:32 AM on the last day of 2019 and the last morning before a new decade is upon us. I wish I could tell you that I was up because I couldn’t sleep, or that I got a sudden spark of energy. Sadly, I am up because my last podcast episode of the year will not upload. Isn’t it funny how when you need something to work the most, it just decides it is not going to cooperate? I envisioned the writing process for this to be much different than it is currently going. To be honest with you, I am tired: physically, mentally and emotionally. Ironically, it has nothing to do with the hour at which I am writing. I have felt this way since October really. The few people I have confided in for advice have usually told me this is the way life is, or that it only gets worse (clearly super positive vibes…). Truthfully, I get that. However, a large part of my reason behind feeling this way is because I have not been prioritizing my mental health (this post isn’t really about mental health, but at the end of the day isn’t everything?!). That’s a hard thing for me to say and is one thing that few people are really never able to recognize or admit. Right now, the space God has me in is a time of training, if you will. Training for what, you might be wondering? I am optimistic 2020 will bring those answers.
For me, it has been a bit of a quandary because unlike other times, my life during this overwhelming period has been nothing short of exciting and purely good. Therefore, even though I have not been prioritizing, life has never been better, which is super weird for me. For the first time in a long time, I am one of those few people who had a great year and is not ready to say goodbye to the past 12 months. I honestly want to stop what I am doing right now and just cry because life has been so sweet and so unpredictable all at the same time. Putting all this into words so that it makes sense to those reading is proving to be incredibly difficult. I am working harder than I have ever worked, both at my full-time job (that happened in 2019, yay) and again when I get home at night for several hours. The to-do list never ends. The overthinking never stops. The routine is really non-existent. The eyes are burning. The heart is full. All this is happening, yet I have never in my life felt God speak so directly to me with such a distinct and firm voice. That too is a lot to process, yet strangely peaceful.
I have not been writing in this space as much because if you notice, I have a new website. I had it published just so I could post this annual NYE blog and after the new year I hope to get it up and running to my standards, but for now, I am really excited about it. If you keep up at all, you know that in 2019, let alone the past few months things have happened that I never thought would ever happen in my whole life:
⁃ I got a full-time job at Campbell Ward, a public relations firm in Little Rock, AR as PR Director!
⁃I moved into my first real-life adult home all by myself, but the greatest family close by has made the adjustment better than I ever imagined. S/O Gribble’s!
⁃I traveled to LA to attend the 2019 American Music Awards, where I sat in the second row amongst some of the biggest names in the industry/stars in the world. Lizzo, Jenna Dewan, Paula Abdul, David Dobrik, Post Malone, Dua Lipa, Lil Nas X and so many more. Little ole me from Stuttgart, AR, did that. Not to mention, my girl Taylor Swift (!!!!) who took home Artist of the Decade and became the most nominated AMA’s Artist in History. Talk about witnessing history in the making.
⁃I traveled to some wonderful places and went to several concerts, which all were inspiring.
⁃I finally learned to stop caring about likes and followers because the people that want to be there and the people that care, will be. Anyone who doesn’t, you don’t really need or want them, to be honest. Of course, after I taught myself this, Instagram got rid of likes… lol.
⁃I started a Youtube Channel, which was super nerve-racking for me, but it has been such a cool place to create content and share myself and my light with others. You should check it out: (WATCH HERE)
⁃On August 24, 2019, Taylor Swift herself tweeted a picture of me and truly my life will never be the same.
The list could go on and on, but mainly 2019 was full of sparks. Moments, experiences and memories that were right and warm, popping off one by one, dazzling in amazement right before my eyes. Not all good and not all bad, but all eye-opening….and the result of hard work. My goal in 2020 is to take the sparks, allow them to ignite and set me on fire. I want to be on fire in all the best ways, and I have a really good feeling that is going to happen. (Now, I have the popular Alicia Keys song stuck in my bed, but I am replacing ‘girl’ with ‘boy’ (lol lol)
This seems like the time to briefly talk about my goals for 2020:
I want to quit…
caring so much about what others think
I want to learn…
how to edit my own Youtube videos / Tik Tok (lol yep)
I want to try…
I want to have…
a stronger body physically
I want to start…
having more of a routine… going to bed earlier, eating better, reading, etc.
I want to continue to…
find confidence from within vs. bringing confidence in from the outside
I am going to stop…
apologizing so much
I want to be…
100% me in the moment
I want to…
I am sitting here thinking about my 14-year-old self. What I looked like, the hobbies I was into, the music I played in my bedroom, the things I had not yet tried, the way my hair looked, where my faith was, etc. It’s hard to believe all that has happened in a ten year time period. Looking back at teen Cade, in this decade I am excited to chase things and continue doing things he dreamed about in his bedroom. Dreams he thought weren’t possible. Dreams he never told anyone about for fear he would be told he could not do it. My slogan for 2020 is: either get on the train or get out of the way. Support me, love me, inspire me, or kindly step aside and watch as I follow God’s glorious plan for me.
Earlier tonight, I learned that a girl I met, through my friend Leslie Ford, and had dinner with in November passed away suddenly on Friday in a car crash. She had this cool job with Warner Brothers and recently did this awesome video with David Dobrik. We had been messaging back in forth even last week when she wished me a Merry Christmas. I replied earlier today (because I am so bad at replying) and hours later I learned of her passing. Though I only knew a fraction of her compared to her friends and family, I have been in such shock. Life is short, we all know that. However, take 2020 and take this new decade to really go after what you want. Don’t wait one day. Don’t think too much. You never know when things are going to change. I dedicate this blog to Micaela and the large amount of kindness she showed me in such a short amount of time.
I am ringing in the new year in Hot Springs, Arkansas, with some of my best college friends and later today will be joined by some of my best high school friends. Getting to end the year and start this new phase with this combination of people feels like it is going to be pretty special. Currently, I feel immensely grateful.
Here’s to the sparks in 2019 that combine, will catch fire in 2020!
Happy New Year, xxx!
Southern and Thankful